Judgments can hurt
Have you ever judged someone unfairly? Better yet, have you ever been judged unfairly?
For years and years people have been judging others on religion, race, sexual orientation, appearance, personality and so much more, yet where has this gotten us?
In some form or another, everyone makes a judgment about somebody else in the course of a day. Even though that may be a part of what human nature has been, I do not feel that as we unite as a nation, this will support where we are moving to. At least I hope not!
The old expression “don’t judge a book by its cover” is profound in that essentially, that is what so many of us do.
I have a first hand experience in being judged simply for my last name, how much money people think I have, how my family is, or what I am like in my personal or professional life. One of the lessons I have learned early on is NOT to judge people because I know the other side of that and it is not a pleasant feeling.
Maybe you know this feeling by having done something that you wish your friends or family would not judge you for?
Do you ever wish that people would look at you for who you are inside, not always what shows in an external reflection?
I get asked a lot why I am even a life coach in the first place because I probably don’t have to work, don’t need the money and don’t need to be doing something like that. At least that is some of what I have heard.
My reality is that I DO have to work, I DO need money to live and I do need to be doing what I do because it is what is in my heart and soul. It is what drives me when I wake up in the morning. That is like telling a dancer not to dance or an artist not to paint. Working with people is what I love to do and that is, in turn, what I work with people in doing…connecting to their passion. What is in their heart. Not how something may seem on the outside but what is in the inner stillness that is waiting to burst forth.
Judgments can be as misleading as a New York City building. It may look one way from the outside, but the excitement comes from not knowing what exactly lies within. The true gift of what everyone has to share is not the graffiti walls or shiny picket fences but the rooms that are lived in and slept in; inside the place. It is the feeling of warmth from the fire place that is sat around while love is shared and memories are made.
How many times have you judged yourself too harshly?
This is equally, if not even more important relating to yourself. Judging yourself does not help and only exacerbates feelings of guilt or wrong doing.
It takes an old habit to go into judgment; it takes awareness to pause before a judgment is made.
If you can remember a time that you have been judged and how that felt, then you may have compassion and pause before you pass judgment again.
A world without judgment is a world without separation…
Comment [13]
Thanks for your blog! It’s so very important to remember!
— Tracy · Mar 31, 01:38 AM
Thank you for sharing this Randy, and getting this message out here. This is something I try to practice and even forget sometimes myself. It is not good feeling being judged, especially wrong. I think we all must try to remember to give others the benefit of the doubt. I hope I do because there certainly have been many times where I have been slapped with a label or a judgement and it does hurt. The ones I slap on myself can be the worst. This is a great site! Thank you
— Ryan Howard · Mar 31, 04:10 AM
That is so true Randy. I have been judged before but not because of anything I did, it was because of something my older brother did. Which I shouldn’t go into detail about. I felt like no matter how good I was I never felt like I fit in with the crowd or was totally accepted. Then I moved to Toronto started going to a different church and was completely overwhelmed by the acceptance and love from everybody not just young adults. I am so happy at where I am. Also I’ve always been one not to judge when I don’t know someone even when I do them I don’t judge them. Anyway that was awesome and I’m glad that you found something that you love to do :)
take care
ttyl
Lauren
— Lauren Hartsell · Mar 31, 04:52 AM
Hey Randy. I saw your post on Facebook and clicked directly on it. Oh I agree! I grew up with a lot of judgement (being raised in the NC mountains – everyone knows everyone and it’s worse than OK Mag!)then I found myself doing the same thing. I watched your mother on 20/20 the other night and I thought, oh – what a different woman than I expected. She seemed so warm and open – total opposite of what I expected. I know that news on celebrities are completely overblown. I was also pleasantly surprised on how warm and open you are. I now see where you get it. I love reading your blogs and you write so eloquently. Keep up the good work. Maybe if I come into some cash, I’ll hire you! I really need a life coach to get me back on track…Have a good day! Nancy
— Nancy Reynolds · Mar 31, 05:28 AM
So many people write to me and tell me that they love my book in my blog. They say it is well-written, bizarrely hilarious, dark, rich, and poignant. The stories from my past are paired with photos and memorabilia from the 50s and 60s. It is not your typical memoir.
Yet, I feel judged when I submit my queries to literary agents and I receive rejection after rejection. Their judgements in the rejections are very disconcerting.
— Marjorie · Mar 31, 07:54 PM
I agree with you.
Way to often people are judged with out even knowing them. Unless you know the person or have experienced what they are going through it is hard to understand.
Rumors and misjudegments are sometimes a poison that if gone untreated and can cause damage.
The old saying “treat those they way you would want to be treated” Karma is a powerful thing.
— Carol Carter · Apr 6, 05:24 PM
To answer your question, yes i have been judged. First i would like to say that this is the first comment i ever made in white. It’s quite nice and different. I am listening to Eckhart Tolle (Finding your lifes purpose) and he says the reason we all love infants is because we know they are not judging us. I would have to say it is harder to deal with being judged for who you are or something you have more than something you have actually done and can either take or avoid responsibility for. At least that is my experience. I think like a lot of people probably assume, that you do not have to work solely for financial survival but obviously we all need to have a passion for something in this life to make living worthwhile. I am often walking the streets of NYC and wonder “wow, there is of course so many stories on the streets which i can see and lives spent domestically within the buildings but entire social environments on the rooftops that i am not even aware of”. It is another level of awareness i think people forget in the hustle bustle of the lower level so to speak. I do believe that truth is what keeps it all simple and grounded for me. Those old emotional tapes are of no use after choosing to move forward toward deeper awareness. Good luck to you. I like your blog and hope to stop by again.
— ewe · Apr 6, 06:20 PM
By the way, you may like www.schoolofthinking.org to challenge the way in which we think. It is not so much a spiritual quest though. More of an NLP (neuro linguistic programming) type of approach to thinking. Actually it is not even fair for me to label what Michael Hewitt-Gleeson teaches. Check it out.
— ewe · Apr 6, 06:32 PM
I am a counselor of 44 years and am very impressed with your deep insight into human behavior. You have a concerned empathy and compassion for people. It is important that you assist your clients in seeing the reality in their lives and helping them to get out of their Comfort Zone and to take a risk to advance themselves beyond to future possibilities. It is a very good thing that you ask pertinent questions that aid your clients to think more about what they need to do. Your not judging people is an asset to your profession. Randy, keep up the great work. You will make a big difference in the lives of many individuals.
Dev – April 7, 3:38 PM
— Dev Raschiatore · Apr 7, 12:40 PM
I believe it is human nature to judge. It is how we are wired. It is another one of our innate survival mechanisms.
The act of judging is for the most part instinctive. We can’t make ourselves wrong for it, the key is to acknowledge it and distinguish that we are in fact judging. The ability to consider that our judgements may not be Truth and to stay open is the key. Without that ability we instantly disconnect ourselves from each other which is not “in flow” and contrary to the laws of the Universe.
— Ava Sydney · Jun 1, 10:34 AM
Judgement does hurt, very much. I try to tell this to people but unfortunaly they are not ready to learn, so until they do, and unfortunately some never do – try to realise that along with the judging comes a sad connection with shallowness, and perhaps it isnt their fault. Just wish them luck in findin their own happiness.
— Paulina · Aug 23, 09:05 PM
Judgement is the negative side of discernment. We need to encourage others to maintain boundaries to avoid a chaotic life. But that means to be discerning about our preferences, rather than judgemental.
— L. Bush · Jan 15, 09:10 PM
good post.
— spencer lord · Mar 9, 06:13 PM