Communication is probably single handedly the most important tool that we have as human beings to express our selves. Many times, when things seem unbalanced in a relationship, there can almost always be an arrow pointing to communication. This will be one of a series of blogs I write about communication because it is so nutrient rich.

Have you ever been frustrated with someone else’s communication? Maybe you wish they said things more succinctly. Maybe you wish they expressed more emotion so you really felt the other person behind their words. Maybe you wish they could listen better so you can feel heard. This last one is the biggest source of miscommunication. Think of a situation or relationship that you would desire better communication in. Ask yourself “what did I want or what do I want to receive from that communication?”

Communication keeps things running like a well oiled machine. Take away the communication, (the oil) and parts break down. Communication takes practice and awareness of self. Knowing that you want to communicate more effectively and/or knowing that you would like to receive better communication means you have already set the communication ship in motion!

Here are a few tangible tips for better communication…

1) Giving better communication yourself
Lead by example. Mirroring for someone what it is you are looking for gives them an insight into how they can better communicate with you. This may take some getting used to. Remember, you cannot change anybody else but you can change yourself and how you interact with others. This, in turn, allows them a space to change how it is they interact with you because you are requiring something different.

2) Know what it is you are looking for in a situation
Being aware of what it is you are feeling and what it is you are looking for can be a great compass for the other person or persons. Again, being as clear as possible within yourself will illuminate your path and send a beacon out to others of where you are at so they can possibly meet you.

3) Use your words and own your feelings
Be present with what it is you are saying and feeling. Slowing down, taking your time to really choose every word that you want to say will slow your mind down to be more aligned with your heart. This is a GREAT EXCERSICE!!
You can also say how you feel without blaming anyone else. Owning your own feelings is powerful and no one can take your feelings away from you.

4) Pictures are worth a 1000 words
If someone else is not “getting it”, Use an analogy of something they may relate to. Putting it in their terms might just be the catalyst for understanding.

Communication can be responsible for cohesive team work and amazing transformation. Think of many people working together to construct a building. With clear and concise communication, that building can be erected very quickly.
However, miscommunication can cause that same building to crumble in an instant.

If you want better communication in your life, be the ultimate communicator by changing how you communicate to others.

For more helpful hints about this topic, please contact me and reference communication. You can also contact me regarding any other life skills you are choosing to develop.

Randy Spelling BPC
randy@beinginflow.com
www.randyspelling.com
310 445-8644

I am hoping this finds you well and having an enjoyable summer. I wanted to ask you a few questions or rather maybe you can read these and ask yourself…

1) What does it mean to you to be “in the flow” in life?

2) Are you “in flow” lately in your life?

3) Can you remember a time that you felt “in flow”? How did you feel?

4) Would you like to be “in flow” as you navigate the rapids of life?

Life is a river. It can be fun, exciting and free or it can be treacherous; feeling as though you are expending all of your energy swimming against the current. I work with people in identifying what rocks, pit falls and blocks are in the way and then how to gently and gracefully navigate yourself around them. This allows for a fun, compelling and surprising ride into freedom.

I have felt many times before that I am in a river that is carrying me way too fast and as a result, felt out of control. I spent so much time fighting against the current and resisting what was that it
exhausted me, depleting me of my much needed energy and strength.
Once I was able to center myself and use the necessary tools, the class 5 river suddenly turned into a lazy river! Suddenly, I was floating! I became aware of what a beautiful day it was and enjoyed how the water felt beneath me. Very different from fighting, kicking, and treading water only to feel as if I was drowning.

The river itself, the rocks in it and the falls all exist; that is constant. That is life.
However, your approach, perspective, calmness, inner strength and sense of self is what makes the ride either pleasant or unbearable.

Many people say that when they are “In the Flow” they feel like anything is possible. They feel things just seem to fit into place with ease. Have you ever felt this way? It is as if you feel your purpose and place in the universe. An inner presence and awareness most often ensues once we are in flow with life and most importantly, our selves.
I invite you to be in your own flow this month and appreciate all of the beauty that the river has to offer. Remember, the more you relax into it and use your tools, the easier and more fun the river becomes.

If anyone needs help navigating their own river, as we all do sometimes, please feel free to contact me through email. You can also set up a free consultation for individual or group sessions.

May your August be flowing with abundance and joy!

Trust is the root of every relationship making it grow. With it, everything flourishes. Without it, illusions are built and things crumble.

Trust is something that you want, correct? This is something that you want to be able to know you have within all of your relationships, the one thing that remains consistent besides love.
We want love, we want trust.

If this is something that is important to you, if you want to receive trust in your relationships, you must realize that you are looking for something to come to you as opposed to come from you.

It all starts with you. Do you trust yourself? It is very easy to say “yes, of course I trust myself, I am one of the only ones I trust implicitly.” I ask you, do you really trust yourself?

Do you trust the decisions you make on a daily basis?
Do you trust that the decisions you have made up until now have been for a grand purpose?

Do you doubt yourself in any area?

If you answered yes to any of these, then you have an indication of areas you may not be trusting yourself in.

When you are clear in your choices, decisions and actions, you build and create from a place of trust. Remember, your world is created from the inside out not the other way around. You want more trust? You want more love? Practice giving it to yourself.

Here are some easy exercises you can do to build trust with yourself.

1) Be aware of how many choices you have during your day.

2) When presented with a choice, still yourself and check in. See if you are reacting to what someone else wants or if you are making this choice from a place of what YOU want.

3) Once you make the choice, stand behind that choice and know that if you have truly checked in with yourself, the choice was right for you in that moment. Believe in yourself. Believe that you know what is best for you in every now moment.

4) Use all of your senses and intuition to guide your choices.

5) When you observe that you are doing this, acknowledge yourself and notice how you feel. Notice how it feels to lead your self, guide yourself, trust yourself.

The answers we seek are always with in us whether we get to them ourselves or by another person being a reflection for us.

I trust in this process. I trust that there is an inner trust guru within all of us.

Now is the timing to find your own guru inside of you.

Trust that you know…

“To know you is to love you”

Knowing who you are might be the toughest job on the planet and the most rewarding. There is enough travel within one’s self to never have to go on vacation with the amount of journeys we all go on. The more we know ourselves, the more we can accept ourselves. Acceptance brings joy. Joy brings love. The ultimate goal is to love every part of ourselves, even the parts we may have judged harshly.

I will be leading groups on this in the following months. Please let me know if you are interested in:

*Knowing yourself better

*Finding purpose

*Bringing balance to your life

*Finding out what it is you want and going after it

*Motivation from Passion and not fear

There are many more benefits that can be attained from group coaching sessions
please email me at randy@beinginflow.com

In the meantime, here is a list of tools that may help to know and accept your self more. The ultimate goal of this is to know yourself intimately so you can “fall in love”. When you love yourself completely, the world is your playground…

1) Think of and write down things that make you special. (at least 3)

2) Acknowledge these things throughout the day

3) Ask to remember all of who you are

4) Ask yourself in all different situations throughout the day, “What do I want?” (Knowing what you want is one of the quickest ways to get to know yourself and your wants and needs)

5) Remember a time that you felt the best you have ever felt. Where were you? How did you feel inside your own body? What was the visceral feeling?
Read over all of these things and let this be a road map to know yourself better. Do not be afraid to really dig deep. The further you pull back the rubber band, the farther the rubber band will spring in the opposite direction!

Be the Indiana Jones of yourself by exploring all the caves and tunnels of who you are and then be the love that fills those places and lights those caverns with your own light.

With joy and excitement,

Randy
310 445-8644
www.randyspelling.com
randy@beinginflow.com

As I write the title for this, John Mayer’s song “Say what you need to say” comes to my mind. This is the message that I want to write about today. Speaking out, feeling your power, standing up and speaking forth your view point no matter what some may say.

This subject is a personal favorite for me as this has come up for me many times in my life and continues to give me opportunities to practice it. You might say it is the gift that keeps on giving! Many clients lately have been talking about setting boundaries and how they feel they need to create better, stronger more defined boundaries for themselves. I am listening and responding to the call to speak about this.

The word boundaries can be daunting. Don’t let it be. Look at them as an opportunity. A chance to know better what it is you want going into a situation. People do not know what you like, what you don’t like, what pleases you and what displeases you. Anytime you feel you have been walked on, your space invaded or you feel that little feeling inside saying “you need to set better boundaries for yourself,” embrace it! See that as an opportunity to figure out what is acceptable or not to you. Once you have, set that boundary. Draw that imaginary line in the sand (for some this may be an actual line in the sand) and stand behind your certainty.

Speak your truth in as many situations as possible. When you do this, you become aligned with your true self and your mask fades away in a world sometimes filled with masked characters. What is there to hide? If there is something you feel you are hiding, love that thing. Do whatever it is you have to do to accept it and embrace it for once you love it, others follow. Love your imperfections and accept them. Then if the mask comes off, you have nothing to hide. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about. Your dark moments can become your light.

I guess you can say this is a call to action. I feel exceptionally motivated to gently challenge everyone who reads this to stand up for yourself today as we all have at one time or another in the past. Let today be the day that you love your self, take off the mask at the ball and watch how life becomes a ball as you start to play with it.

Speak your truth…
Don’t hide anymore…
Come out and play…
Be you.